This Much I Know – Illicit Dating cont.

  • Never spend time with a liaison who doesn’t make you feel fabulous and hot – this is supposed to be a fun distraction – not something that makes you feel old or inadequate or worry about your cellulite. If the person isn’t offering that, bail.

  • Lingerie, lingerie, lingerie – OK it comes off fast but it is so sexy, guys love it and its such a basic aphrodisiac. Doesn’t have to be La Perla – Anne Summers occasionally will do. If budget is no issue I suggest Coco De Mer – total up market sex fest. Yay!

  • Unless you are a millionairess expect him to pay for the hotel and dinner if you are a hungry gal – old fashioned yes – but who cares. You don’t want to be wrangling about splitting the bill – teenage years passed way back…….and after all we like a man who at least can pretend to be in control for a few hours even if at home he is a pussy whipped monkey (which is probably true) but this is yours and his fantasy so let him play his role and you play your’s.

  • You can have mind blowing sex in The Premier Inn for £80.00. I’ve stayed in £1k rooms at The Landmark and had a total fail of a time and fabulous times in more basic places – candles and imagination go a long way. Just make sure there rooms are relatively sound proofed and its not a family run place least you upset the locals……..

  • Use an encoded email app – like safe mail. You really don’t want your nearest and dearest stumbling up your illicit emails whilst playing Mindcraft or Clash of Clans whilst on the school run. Multiple codes and passwords….

  • You could go for multiple phones – I’m reliably told Shane Warne at one point ran four – but that seems tiring and slightly suspect and probably for the territories of the bonafide players.

  • Set up a separate email account for all of the obvious reasons – and give yourself a fun porn star name. Be the gal you always wanted to be – Cassandra Lovelock, Louisiana Lush, Sheba or whatever floats your boat – just don’t use your name……

  • Become like one of your teenage sons – if you have them – or your porn addicted husband. Get used to deleting and clearing search and your browsing history. Be clean.

  • Try to avoid falling in love with a liaison – its not going to work – its just a distraction however good the sex. You can love the person and I’ve seen someone consistently for a long time but it ain’t going anywhere baby.

  • Don’t even think about not having safe sex. People who are a wee bit older can be a little sloppy about this. You have no idea who these people have been with. Even if they say they have been faithful to their wife for 20 years and this is their very first infidelity, they could have had front row seat at Soi Cowboy for the past 10, and indulged plenty and you really don’t want to end up in your local STD clinic…………..

Illicit Dating

OK girls – these are definitely the years that the ‘illicit dating sites’ come in handy – namely sites developed to enable you to have an affair if things at home aren’t so smooth or sexy.

And there are a plethora – Ashley Madison, Illicit Encounters, Adult Friend Finder (OK not illicit and a little hardcoree but many married folk on there), Killing Kittens (if you are reading this page you’ll be a ‘silver kitten’) and more.

The upside:

  • You can quickly and easily contact people in similar situations to yourself who just wanted to have some no strings attached fun without the drama of a full blown love affair that would threaten their marriage.
  • Most people you will meet really are relatively sane, stable and just looking for some love and distraction from their otherwise slightly tedious middle aged lives with wives who have clearly lost interest in them – or visa versa.
  • Its free for women – yay!
  • Its pretty safe and confidential – just be smart, clear your browser history and don’t use your normal email account (duh).
  • You can meet some great guys who are professional, smart and good looking.
  • You can have some excellent straight up no holds barred sex – yes!
  • If you don’t like someone you don’t have see see them again.
  • It can actually really hot up your sex life at home and get you back in the mood, give you some great ideas and more. Just don’t get too kinky otherwise you might get busted….
  • You can get to hang out in some beautiful hotels and places. Not that we are looking for a sugar daddy or anything but try to avoid anyone who wants to meet in the Travel Lodge unless he is super hot and the sex is mindblowing. The wrong ambience can be a real downer.

The downsides:

  • It takes a while to sort the wheat from the chafe – many men have no self awareness, say they look like Daniel Craig and then their photo is of a dumpy middle aged car sales man – real downer after a sexy email communication. Pass the vibrator….
  • Even if you pre-qualify a lot by photo and email, you can drive for 40 mins to meet someone who has halitosis – downer….
  • You can have mind-blowing sex with a stud half your age who never wants to see you again – hurts the ego for a few days – but is always worth the memory I say :).
  • Minor risks of being spotted by friend / colleague even if you work outside the 60 mile radius so you have to keep  your cool. Always have a cover story – ie. you are meeting an  old college friend / its a work meeting or some such thing.
  • The guy can start offloading his marital woes to you and complaining about this life and wife. That is a real bummer – this is not a therapy session and a total waste of time. Where’re the wine and good sex??? My advice is to bail fast.
  • If you have a career and family finding the time to fit this in, shave your legs and pussy in advance, find your lingerie and be ready to go can be challenging.